And how to get out of them — My next door neighbour stopped going on holiday years ago. ‘How did you get out of it?’ I once asked him. He smiled profoundly, ‘I got divorced.’ It’s not that I don’t like a holiday. When I’m sitting by the pool reading a thriller and drinking rum, it’s not too…

— I Hope So — Last week, Boris Johnson’s party was beaten in two by-elections on the same day. First by the Labour Party in Wakefield in West Yorkshire, then minutes later by the Liberal Democrats in Tiverton and Honiton. With all the ghoulish news coming out of the US on gun control and the…

The great Kurt Vonnegut once wrote that the basis of every great advertisement is a Credible Promise. He explained that Jesus was the world’s first adman as he promised better times in the afterlife. So how about modern admen and women. How do they stack up to Vonnegut’s test? Stuck…

— And neither can you You probably clicked on this story because you’re middle class. Admit it. You were intrigued by how another middle class person might view your world. Am I right? Of course, I’m right. I’m middle class, and the middle class are always right. When political parties…

And why I want to be one — It’s 3.27 am. I know this because I’ve just looked at my clock. Something has woken me up. I leave the window open at night for air. It’s covered with a fine wire mesh to keep out moths, mosquitos, and flies. The noise is coming from the window. Something is…

And how can we stop them — I once knew a guy called Mike who only wanted a son. He was adamant: ‘No daughters!’ ‘Why?’ I asked. ‘To carry on the line.’ ‘What line, the breadline?’ He half laughed before giving me some exaggerated family history as though he was the heir to Genghis Khan. He wasn’t…

—If you can — Short of time this week, I tried to get an AI program called Jasper to write this story for me using the keywords: Comedy, Modern Life, and Toilet Humour. This is what I got: Technology and modern life are always good topics for comedy. As is toilet humour. So here’s…

If you only earn enough for one drink— it’s worth it — I’ve only met one person who’s ever made a living from writing. And he’s dead. He was a journalist working in London in the 80s and 90s and was a friend of my father’s. We had lunch together a few times: beer, wine, whisky, more wine, and more beer —…

There are lots of reasons to like Copenhagen. Swimming in the harbour is one. But there are many. It’s phenomenally relaxed, it’s not as expensive as people say, it’s friendly, and there is loads to do. Plus you can cycle everywhere. It’s quite easy to get a job, people speak…