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Advantages of Dying
1. End Of The Agony
I’m an avid Leeds Utd fan. We have five games left and need to win them all to avoid relegation.
‘I’d rather be dead than live through the next four weeks,’ my father said to me yesterday.
‘You might get lucky then,’ I quipped, reminding him of his major operation next week.
‘I hope so,’ he laughed. ‘At least I’ll finally get some sleep!’
2. Cure for Insomnia
Like my father, I’ve suffered from insomnia for years. I’m much better now, but in my 20s and 30s, I would lie awake all night looking at the ceiling. The Long March I called it.
Some nights I would simply throw the towel in, get dressed and drive to the office.
‘Bad night?’ the night porter always used to ask me.
I nodded tiredly.
‘It’s why I do this,’ he added. ‘I don’t particularly like it, but if I’m going to be up all night anyway, I may as well get paid for it. Helps pay the bills.’
3. No More Bills
I had a tax demand a few days ago.
Before Christmas, I’d (stupidly) signed up to be an estate agent. It was a passing fad, and I soon decided against it. Unfortunately, I’d already switched my…
