Great Piece, Melissa. We all think our writing is better than it is. Even the great authors thought this. It's normal. Why? Because what we have to say is incredibly important, and we think it's important for everyone else. Unfortunately, it isn't. The skill of a good author/poet/writer is to make it compulsive reading. You may want to mess around with the form—experiment! — but you've got to make it readable. This is the great error: Experimenting without first understanding the ground rules. All the great experimental composer and musicians, always had a total of their craft, first. Prince is a good example. A great musical showman and innovator, but he was able to do this by having a deep understanding of music from years and years of playing. Many writers think they can break the normal (which is good) but because they don't understand the basics, what they produce is nonsense. As, perhaps, the person in your group did. Although, as I haven't read it, I can't honestly comment. I've tried to experiment myself—more musically than in prose—and sometimes it's OK. Most of the time, though, it's awful. Which is also OK. Just don't let anyone else hear/read it. Or if you do, be prepared for criticism. Thanks.